I knew this episode of The Celebrity Apprentice would be hilarious when it opened with a confrontation between Gary and Meat Loaf during which Meat Loaf called Gary Busey “sweetie”. Really? Sweetie? To Gary Busey? Come on.
Then I really knew the episode would be insane when I found out would be about camping. Camping?! None of these people have ever been camping! Except for Nikki Taylor, who seems to be doing quite well in the role of Supermodel Turned Stable Parent.
Nikki acted as project manager for the women, thanks to her experience, and the men shoved Gary Busey under the RV in an effort to reveal his lack of skills and, you know, normalcy. What is it he said to the guy from Camping World? Nothing is free, but my heart to your heart is free? What the hell?
The teams had to negotiate for the campers, but not much negotiating went on. The men chose the big, black badass tour bus, and the women chose the moderate, homey RV. And naturally, Jose Canseco disagreed with his team.
Now, without further ado, here are the Five Wacky Wonders of The Celebrity Apprentice:
- Gary Busey as project manager. What a train wreck! From mistakes – I’m sorry, “gifts” – over money to confrontations with his teammates, Busey was predictably bizarre as his team’s leader this week. And his “definitions” of words? Priceless. He says “Lucky” means “Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly”. Damn! And I thought it meant good fortune. Excuse me while I call up my alma mater and demand a refund for my useless, useless journalism degree.
- Miss Dionne Warwick. Oh man, isn’t she just a disgruntled old lady? She was a jerk last week, and she continued this week. When Niki stressed that she wanted turf for outside, Dionne chose to go to Bed Bath & Beyond first instead. Rather than grass and trees, the ladies had to settle for balloons. Because balloons totally scream “Camping!” Later, she called Niki a hussy – get this – for being too nice. Seriously. Dionne was annoyed over Niki’s proclamation that everyone was helping everyone.
- Jose Canseco: World’s Laziest Man. Did he do anything this week? When Ivanka came by, he was kickin’ it in the RV. Later, he relaxed in a lawn chair alongside Gary. Then they played a little ball while Mark McGrath had a panic attack and took a video recording of their goofing off. His only real contributions were “going on record” as hating the selected RV and hating country music.
- Marlee Matlin, the hearing aid whisperer. Am I the only person who wondered how Marlee, as a deaf woman, could tell that Gary Busey was hearing impaired? Apparently he was only utilizing 40% of his hearing capabilities, which made him legally deaf. So Marlee got him set up with hearing aids, which is awesome. Now he doesn’t need to shout “What?!” every time someone speaks to him. But how did she know he was shouting? Did her totally awesome and hilarious interpreted clue her in? How did this go down?
- Niki Taylor, most gracious Celebrity Apprentice contestant ever. When the women lost the task, Niki took responsibility and told Trump she agreed that she deserved to be fired. As Star Jones said, it was classy – though let’s face it, Star Jones herself is only familiar with Klass, not class. Niki Taylor seemed so sweet and down to earth on this show, it was hard to believe she was such a huge supermodel when I was a kid. But it also makes her not really cut out for a wakcadoodle show like The Celebrity Apprentice.
As the men’s greenery began to arrive, it became clear that they had an edge. They created an actual camping experience while the women fussed over splashes of color. So they won, despite Gary Busey’s antics. The boardroom was a little dull, since Niki Taylor took the bullet for the team – though if I’d been in her shoes, I would have thrown Dionne Warwick right under the bus. Hey, maybe Dionne would get lucky (or Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly) and that bus would be headed for bingo, because that’s where she belongs.
What did you think of the episode? I thought it was fun, despite being a tad predictable. Are there any front runners to win this thing? I like Marlee Matlin, but we’ve yet to see her run a task. Same goes for Mark McGrath and Lil Jon, who could turn out OK.
- “People who know me would say that I am the loyalist friend they have. I am a great friend.” – Star Jones. A loyalist friend? You mean a British sympathizer who fled to Canada during the American Revolution? Those are the best kind of friends.
- “So this is the 21st century for 100 years!” – Hope (the other model) after she and Niki had to Google what century it is. Hope mentioned that she remembers a century is 100 years because there are 100 cents in a dollar. Niki later told a customer that the campground was set up for a 20th century experience.
- “I’ve heard that before Marlee, in a very positive way.” – Donald Trump, after Star declared that Marlee was a demon when it came to the bedroom.