This week on The Bachelorette, Emily and the guys (and Ricki) headed off to Bermuda to carry on with the farce dating.
Doug Angry, Doug Smash, Doug Sad
The first date in Bermuda went to Doug, who was butting heads with Arie right before Emily picked him up. Man, there is something weird about Doug.
During dinner, Emily was getting frustrated because Doug was giving her job interview answers to all her questions. When she asked what his ex-girlfriend would consider his faults, he said that he spends too much time with his kid and didn’t wash her car often enough. Hey Doug -I have one for you! Only jerks talk about themselves in the third person. “If Emily wants a kiss from Doug, she’ll let Doug know she wants a kiss”? That is both gross and stupid. This guy is never getting a kiss with that mantra.
But really, what did Emily expect? Honesty? On this show? It’s one long job interview! No one is going to be honest! Let’s get real, do we think Emily’s biggest faults are being stubborn and leaving the house in pajamas? Despite the lack of honest answers and the lack of a goodnight kiss, Emily gave Doug a rose.
Ahoy, Mateys!
Time for the group date! Charlie, Ryan, Chris, Jef, Sean, Arie, Travis and Kalon were split into two groups to compete in a boat race. The winning team would get to spend extra time with Emily. That winning team? Team Yellow, which was Arie, Jef, Ryan and Kalon.
Ryan kicked the cocktail party off on an obnoxious note when he toasted “To a fun day of racing and a beautiful trophy possible-wife.” What? Are you kidding? To quote Erinn of Survivor fame, “Who is this jackass?”
Then Ryan got even more obnoxious when he basically chastised Emily for kissing Arie. It was unbelievable – he made a big deal over how she should be a role model for other girls. “As the Bachelorette, she’s been given a great responsibility, and I want to see her do a lot with it,” he said. Um, dude. She’s the bachelorette, not Spiderman. I was glad Emily said she felt like there was a double standard, but I wish she’d said those things to his face. Instead, she actually apologized to him. Whaaaa? Dude. Speak. Your. Mind. I would have kicked that guy to the curb immediately.
The group date rose went to Jef, because he didn’t kiss Emily. OK then.
Mano vs. Mano
Time for the dreaded two-on-one date! And for such an occasion, what better location than the Bermuda Triangle! If nothing else, it provides ample opportunity for making “left out at sea” jokes.
John and Nate were the two unlucky fellows who had to suffer through awkward silences and small talk about quinoa salad. After two dull one-on-one conversations, Emily decided to send Nate home because he’s only 25 years old and probably because he cried. Personally, I would have sent them both home. This was a dull date.
Cocktail Cockamamie
Is it Ryan’s job to be the most obnoxious person in the room at all times? Is he earning a salary for accomplishing that task? Because he does it like someone is paying him twenty bucks every time he sounds like an even bigger asshole. I hate the way he talks to Emily almost as much as I hate the way he talks when she’s not around. What crap was he saying about the media? Whatever buddy, your future on Bachelor Pad is so bright that I have to wear sunglasses. What. An. Idiot.
Rivaling Ryan for the Idiocy Award were Chris and Doug, who had some kind of sorority girl fight over who’s more fake, who’s more immature, and who’s better for Emily. Oh boys. I don’t care if you’re 25 or 33, if you’re arguing by the pool over something that stupid then you’re both acting like children. Later, when Emily was talking to Harrison, she mentioned that the two guys who keep coming up as being disliked by everyone else are Ryan and Doug. Gee, what a surprise! Send ‘em home, Em.(Except that Doug already had a rose.)
First to receive a rose was blond, blond Sean, followed by Arie (Hi, frontrunners), Travis, Chris, Ryan, Kalon and Alejandro. Really, Emily? Kalon and Ryan? What, were those the producers’ picks? Charlie and Michael were sent packing. Or “long-haired guy” and “other guy”.
Next week, the gang heads to London, Blondie gets a date, and Emily tells someone (obviously, we know who) to get the f— out.
Thank you for watching this show for me. Jef with one ‘f?’ Good grief.
Right? It’s like he’s TRYING to be a jackass.
Don’t mean to intrude on the Bachelorette, but I remembered you said you might want to watch TAR Australia this season. If you’re still interested, it started last Wednesday.
Ooh, thanks for letting me know!
I wish Michael told Emily what Ryan told him before he left!!! I cannot stand him! He will never be the bachelor, but you make a good point about Bachelor Pad! I can totally see him on that.
He’s the right kind of guy! (Slimy.)
I like your summaries of the show. Looks like Kalon will finally get his next week… can’t wait!
And I agree with you that Kalon and Ryan were the producers pick of who Emily should keep on board… the show needs that edge to get watchers pissed off. Just listening to Ryan, who is already looking for his time as the Bachelor for next season, is so full of himself. I just hope the producers don’t make Emily have him stick around to the final few, that will really swell his ego even more, if that’s possible. Ryan feels Emily is below him, not the type of woman he would pick (I would imagine he’s more into slutty girls), and I’d also bet that dealing with Ricki in real time would piss him off. Emily is too nice, she has to stop apologizing for everything.
Thanks! I agree, Emily’s so honest behind the scenes I wish she’d lay off the Southern charm a little when it comes to the guys who are jerks! But this week, she will! :p
Wet paint is posting that she sends Kaylon home this week.. I sure hope she dont..I like the guy honestly..I think he and Ryan are the most upfrount honest guys in the house who tell it how they feel..other guys are just the same as they are but just hide it..100% sure most those men dont want the baggage also..they just dont come out and say it. Why would very attractive men like Aire-Jef-and Sean want Emily and her child? They dont and it wont work long term with any of these SINGLE non fathers. I think those 3 feel the same about Emily deep down as Ryan and Kaylon have already stated publicly.
TEAM Ryan and Kaylon here!
Kaylon is just being honest..I think most of the single men ‘without kids’ really dont want the baggage also, but they just ‘play’ the part of the good guys so they can after the show get some fame or find a nice former bachelorette..ie Sean..i really dont think he wants Emily or her kid..he is on there to look good..watch him and Kacie b hook up at a bachelor reunion. Aire is a playboy “according to Reality Steven”..if she picks him he will have his fun and break up with her around 3 months after the final rose.
I actually though kaylon would have got the 1st impression rose and the 1st one-one date..due to his awesome entrance, and his total Alpha maleness. I dont think she will send Kaylon home next week..I dont think it is him who she tells (get the fu3k out) I think it is Doug she tells this to.
My final 2 for her would ultamantly be Ryan and kaylon..I think both will make hometown dates..at least I hope they do.
I like Ryan..he is entertaining and doesn’t put up with any of Emilys crap. He is a strait foward type of guy..and he knows darn well all Emily wants is some rich man to pamper her. He aint buying it and he aint interested at all in her “nor do I think any of the guys want Emily for more then a few months of sex after the show…then end”