Last night’s episode of Parenthood was so good, yet made me so upset in some ways. That’s a sign of a good TV show, though. The characters are flawed, and they made decisions that you don’t always agree with. Parenthood knows how to do that so well, and they’ve had an impeccable season so far.
Surgery
Are you there, God? It’s me, Crosby.
The big storyline of the season has been Kristina’s cancer, and in last night’s episode she had the surgery to remove the lump in her breast. There were so many aspects to this that played perfectly together. Max’s election was a big one, and I’ll say more on that in a bit. I loved watching Crosby deal with Kristina’s cancer, because it’s not like they’ve been BFFs. But they’re family, and Crosby showed how much he cared from trying to give meaningful help to Adam and his family, to asking Jabbar to help him pray. (You had to laugh when Crosby told God that Kristina has cancer, and Jabbar said “He already knows that.”)
I liked how isolating Adam in the waiting room with various siblings shone a light on just how removed something like cancer can make you from the rest of your family. They were all there for Adam, but he has no idea what’s been going on in anyone else’s lives because he’s been dealing with this huge, awful thing. Under any other circumstances, Julia quitting her job because she’s trying to take care of her newly adopted son would be a big deal, but Adam barely remembered that it happened. That’s life, and everyone understood, and I thought it was a moment the show portrayed very well.
Grown Up Choices
The thing I most wanted to talk about on the blog, though, was Haddie. I loved her this week, and I think Adam and Kristina made a huge mistake. Haddie hasn’t always been a character that viewers love, but she’s been growing up. She made the decision to come home from college to see her sick mother because it was the right decision for her, and Adam and Kristina should have respected that. They should have at least been willing to discuss the idea of her postponing school for a semester.
The huge mistake came after the surgery. It was heartbreaking to find out that Kristina’s cancer wasn’t limited to what they removed from her breast, but I wasn’t surprised. But I can’t believe they lied to their daughter about it. That’s so, so wrong. Haddie should have been allowed to make the decision to delay college. She’s eighteen years old and her mother has cancer. If I were in that situation, I would also want to be at home with my family, where I felt needed. I would want to spend time with my mom in case things didn’t go well. I don’t think the show would kill of Kristina at all, but just looking at it from a human perspective – what if Kristina died? What if Haddie then didn’t come home until her mother was very, very sick? Adam and Kristina’s lie could, theoretically, rob their daughter of valuable time with her mother. And it robbed her of making a decision that I think, at 18, she’s fully capable of making for herself. So I think Adam and Kristina made a mistake. They treated Haddie like a child, but these situations can make someone grow up very quickly. They need to start speaking to her honestly about the cancer, and letting her help out.
Election
“Your son is president. God help us all.” – Adam
Max’s school election was the same day as Kristina’s surgery, and it was sad to watch Kristina try so hard to also be there for her son when she was facing this big, scary thing. Haddie stepped in and gave Max a few pointers before his speech. I loved Max’s speech, and the growth that it showed for him. He was still himself, but he pushed himself out of his comfort zone a little.
I’m intrigued by the student reaction. On the one hand, I think middle school kids are aware enough to understand what was happening once Max announced he has Asperger’s. So I could see a situation in which students voted for Max, not quite out of pity, but because they understood who he was and why he was so focused on the vending machine. But on the other hand, I wondered why students at the school didn’t already know about Max. Did they just think he was weird the whole time? Had none of the teachers told students to have extra patience with the kid on the autism spectrum? I don’t know how any of this works, I’m just wondering.
Moving Day
The other big parental mistake that I think was made this week was by Sarah. Drew had every right to be angry about getting moved into an apartment with Mark. Again, I think it comes down to talk to teenagers like people, not children. Sarah should have made more of an effort to make sure that Drew was comfortable living with Mark, and she should have discussed it with him more. She made the decision quickly, and mostly as a reaction to Hank’s kiss, and she didn’t value his feelings like she should have. Drew is, like, the most sensitive teenage boy in the world. The kid has feelings. It should have been handled more delicately.
Date Night
Amber’s sweet, awkward date with Ryan helped lighten up the episode a little. Amber hasn’t dated a whole lot, and at that age many people haven’t. Mae Whitman and Matt Lauria have a lot of chemistry, and I liked seeing that familiar nervous date energy. Amber was distracted because of Kristina, and Ryan proved that he’s a sensitive, understanding guy. The awkward handshake at the end of the night and the confusion over the flowers the next day were perfect moments, and I can’t wait to see more of those two together.
Another stellar episode in a fantastic season. Sadly Parenthood won’t be back until November 13th, so until then we’ll just have to discuss this episode. Get down to the comments!
I love this season and this episode has been my favorite so far! There were so many great little moments (personally, I loved the scene between Mark and Drew, when Mark announced he doesn’t have cable. Drew looked like he was about to faint), but why won’t it be back until November 13th? That’s such a bummer.
Totally! When Mark asked Drew if there was anything he could do to make Drew feel more comfortable, I laughed and said “Get cable!” And then he did.
I’m not sure – election coverage, maybe? Total bummer.
Another stellar episode! i totally agree about Haddie but I also think A and K were acting out of denial. if they let Haddie stay than they have to admit the situation is unknown and scary and that K could die. if they send her back to school and she is carrying on with her life, they can continue to pretend it’s not serious. it was a knee jerk reaction. Actually the same is true for Sarah deciding to move in with Mark. she’s freaked about the kiss from Hank so she makes this sweeping gesture to prove she’s committed to Mark.
About Max I love that he won and that he said he had asperbergers and it’s great to hear him talk about how autistic qualities are positive, problem is there is a suspension of disbelief that has to happen to believe it. Max is in a new school, so probably a lot of the kids don’t know him and so i buy that they may not be too aware of his aspbergers, he goes to a mainstream school. but my experience is that the majority of ppl out there still think autism = freak and especially teenage kids whose entire modus operandi is fitting in. i don’t really buy that Max would have been elected. but having him be President is the more interesting choice for his character. he’s dealt with rejection before, having him as President opens up a whole new host of challenges for his character so I understand why they did it and look fwd to how he deals with it all.
a few things I loved:
-Julia admitting that Joel made the get well sign.
-the post it
-sarah telling Drew that Mark doesn’t know what to do with cable to get him to hang, and then Mark flipping channels saying he’s done with reading.
That’s a great point, it probably was very much out of denial, just not them thinking that what’s best for Haddie is for her to go back to school. I hope they realize their mistake and tell her the truth. She deserves to be home with her mother, helping out, and they deserve to have her there.
I think it’s hard to say how kids would react to Max’s speech in real life. I know for me, growing up, it wasn’t really accepted for kids to make fun of students with disabilities. People were definitely mean, and I can see the kids being mean to Max before they knew he had Asperger’s. But just thinking about what my school experience was, and interacting with kids who had various disabilities, people were almost always very nice. Even if it was for the wrong reasons, like pity. So in that way, I buy that the students might support Max once they knew what his deal was.
I’m a teacher and I will say that teachers shouldn’t be telling other students about a special ed kid’s disorder. That said, the parents could request that the class be told, or the student themselves could tell the class. But for the most part, their right to privacy is protected.
That doesn’t mean that other kids won’t know that something is up. Often autistic kids have will have an Occupational Therapist that visits the school to pull them out of class and work on sensory integration. Schools will often have specialists on staff. Other students might know, “oh hey that kid leaves during reading time each week.” but they might not know why. So, that being said, it makes total sense that the students wouldn’t have any idea.
I actually buy that middle school kids would respect his honesty. Mostly I buy it because Max’s whole platform was about the vending machines. All it takes is one moderately cool kid to be on Max’s team and the rest will follow. That’s not to say they won’t turn on him in the future.
I usually hate how they write Max’s character. They basically equate Aspergers with having no personality and being a brat. The Aspy kids (their nickname sometimes) I’ve worked with are often very funny and will have really interesting talents. It seems that they are trying to expand this character a bit. I think they handled Max’s reaction to hearing about Kristina’s cancer *perfectly* – his research is his way of showing that he cares and is worried about his mom. People with Aspberger’s have emotions, they just don’t always express in ways we’d expect. I hope the show continues to do more with Max.
Also, I was appalled that they lied to Haddie. Worst. Decision. Ever. That’s going to bite them in the ass. I’m glad that Kristina’s cancer didn’t go away though. Otherwise it would have been this stupid three episode arc that was like, “check cancer off the list of storylines!” I’m looking forward to seeing how the whole family deals with Kristina being very sick, since she tends to be a bit of a martyr for everyone.
You’re right. I guess when I was in school, everyone just kind of knew stuff like that. From parents or something. But in Max’s case, Asperger’s is not as obvious as some of the students with disabilities that I went to school with so I shouldn’t have compared. I was just surprised that students wouldn’t have previously known.
I disagree with you on Max’s character though, pretty strongly. I think he has loads of personality and is sometimes difficult, but I wouldn’t say he’s a brat. He can be funny and sweet and sensitive. Jason Katims, who created the show, has a son with Asperger’s so I feel like the show does a pretty good job of making his character realistic.
Laura, I have to say I disagree with you about Max as well. I think he is portrayed quite realistically. I have a daughter with autism and Max’s reactions to things and his attitudes are very typical of people on the spectrum. I also think they show Max’s sensitivities albeit in a realistic way. He cares a lot for the things he is interested in, like his iguana, it’s just challenging for him to show his affections and sensitivities in typical ways.
Many people, without a lot of personal experience with autism, mistake kids on the spectrum for being bratty, that’s a very typical misunderstanding about autism. I’ve heard other tv reviewers call him bratty or a discipline problem as well.
Thanks for the input, Dana!