The Bachelor – An Awkward Finale

Juan PabloI’ll admit it. I was wrong.

I didn’t think Juan Pablo would introduce Clare to his daughter, because I thought he was so set on Nikki that he’d just make his decision before bothering to confuse his kid. But he’s no Emily Maynard. Remember the beginning of the season, when I thought Juan Pablo was kind of funny and likable? I’ve been wrong about a lot of things.

The show opened with Clare’s day spent with Juan Pablo’s family.

Family Visit #1 – Clare

I can’t ignore the awkward part of the day when Juan Pablo’s dad asked Clare if she speaks Spanish. Her mom is Mexican. Her whole family speaks Spanish. And she…doesn’t? OK, we all water-cooler-gossiped about how Clare looks nothing like her family after her hometown visit. And I tried not to be too mean on the Internet. But guys. How did the blonde, non-Spanish-speaking woman end up in a Mexican family of fluent Spanish speakers? I’m beginning to really think she was kidnapped from the mall as a child. Start checking milk cartons for photos of baby Clare.

(I’M KIDDING. Was that too mean for the Internet? Or funny mean?)

Clare left her date feeling like she could “1000% be a part of Juan Pablo’s family forever”. Oh, sweetie. You’re gonna get your heart broken baaaaad.

Family Visit #2 – Nikki

Before Nikki’s date, Juan Pablo’s brother Leo mentioned that in Miami it seemed like Juan Pablo had a special connection with Nikki. “We could be meeting a potential wife”. File that under “Things he didn’t say about Clare”.

When Nikki sat down with Juan Pablo’s dad, he said that Juan Pablo is “not an easy guy” and then basically said his son is kind of selfish. But that’s OK, because Nikki says she’s ready for it. Man, it seems like Nikki just wants this and is willing to ignore any red flags that get thrown in her face.

Date #1 – Clare

Before his family visit and before his date with Clare, Juan Pablo couldn’t say two words about the woman without talking about how hot she is, how sexy it is when they kiss, etc. His connection with Clare has always been purely physical.

Clare met Juan Pablo for their last date before the end, and they took a helicopter ride together. Typical Bachelor nonsense. But then! Then, Clare described the moment when the helicopter landed, and there were no cameras/mics – it was just her, Juan Pablo, and the pilot. And Juan Pablo whispered something in her ear. “Something no woman wants to hear.”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT DID HE SAY?

Clare beat around the bush and didn’t want to repeat what he said, but it was sexual and offensive and made her feel awful. Eeeeeeewwww. Well that’s it, this guy is a creep.

We didn’t see the rest of the date, but heard Clare say that she needs to know if this relationship is purely physical. She wants more than that. Ohhhhhhh, sweetie. You are gonna get your heart broken SO bad.

Later, Juan Pablo showed up at her hotel and she brought up the situation. The guy was so oblivious to what she was upset about. I would pay up to $20 to know exactly what he said.

At some point, he said they barely know each other. Valid point. But he also referenced having sex, and that’s the part that remains a mystery. What did he say? I was glad Clare stuck up for herself at first, but it was sad to watch her just cave. What did he even say that was so convincing? Ugh. She left feeling like they had more than a physical connection. She got duped!

I fast-forwarded through most of Chris Harrison’s little interview bits with former cast members, but I watched after this scene. Sharleen hit the nail on the head.

Date #2 – Nikki

Juan and Nikki went for a boat ride for their date. Juan Pablo asked “What are you concerns?” Nikki answered that he can be a little guarded, and doesn’t open up much. He shook his head a bunch, said no, and all but rolled his eyes. SHUT. DOWN. Man, what Juan Pablo says goes and no one else gets to have an opinion, huh?

Nikki’s evening date with Juan Pablo was awkward, and there were a lot of long silences. When Juan Pablo left, Nikki cried. Because she was sad he left, or because she knows it’s just not right?

Decision Time

clare finale

Clare

I can’t believe that after all this, both women put on fancy dresses and crossed their fingers for a proposal. They should be running for the hills!

First up was Clare. Juan Pablo let her say lots of nice things before he let her go. I know we all saw this coming a mile away, but man, what an asshole. Clare was rightfully angry because Juan Pablo spent an hour reassuring her on their last date. She stormed out with the last words “I would never want my children to have a father like you.” Ha! Nice. Juan Pablo didn’t look fazed by the insult at all. Then he proved it by saying to the cameras “I’m glad I didn’t pick her.”

Man. What a jerk.

Clare ended up having more backbone than I expected. Good for her!

nikki finale

Nikki with Chris Harrison

When it was Nikki’s turn, Juan Pablo had an engagement ring with him. Once again, he stood in silence until the woman spoke. You invited them here, Juan Pablo! Say something! Juan Pablo said some nice stuff, and then he said that he’d been thinking about Nikki’s dad telling him that if he proposes he better be 100% sure. And he’s not, so he said “There’s a ring in my pocket but I’m not going to use it.”

 

Then he said “I like you a lot” instead of “I love you.”

AND THEN HE SAID “DON’T BE CRANKY.”

Yikes. Nikki looked disappointed, but she still accepted the rose.

So, let’s recap. Juan Pablo said he had a ring, but wasn’t going to use it. Fair enough. But the way he phrased it was kind of awful, it was like he was implying that Nikki had to earn it from him. He said “I like you a lot” instead of “I love you”, which is like a dagger through the heart to a girl expecting a proposal. He gave Nikki a rose, which she accepted in sort of a bewildered, shocked kind of way. And then he told her not to be cranky, like a kid that was given a spinach salad instead of an ice cream cone.

WTF.

After The Final Rose

Going into the after show, I would have placed a lot of money on Juan Pablo and Nikki not still being together. But first we had to sit through an interview with Clare. She said some stuff, but I was most interested in the fact that she’s had enough closure and had no interest in talking to Juan Pablo. Finally, Clare has a little gumption.

Next Juan Pablo came out by himself. Boooo! Hisssss! What he said can be summed up with “It’s OK”. Nothing ever bothers Juan Pablo.

Next, Nikki came out by herself to confirm that there is a relationship, she’s happy, she loves him, and she doesn’t know if he loves her. Ouch. When asked if he has said that he loves her, Nikki said “Not exactly”.

Awkward.

Juan Pablo came back out, and talked about how hard it is to hide a relationship for four months. Chris Harrison said Juan Pablo had told execs that he’d have a surprise for people at the show – he didn’t. Of course he didn’t.

You know, there are parts of Juan Pablo’s logic that I agree with. I think Bachelor proposals are stupid, and I agree that the relationship really starts when the couple goes back to normal life. But the way Juan Pablo delivers this information is in the skeeziest way possible.

Chris Harrison isn’t much better though, basically trying to shove the words “I love Nikki” down Juan Pablo’s mouth. If you have to force the guy to say the words, they don’t count dude. I don’t think we needed a lecture from Sean on how he wants to scream his feelings from the rooftop when he’s in love. Hey morons! Did you ever think that maybe Juan Pablo doesn’t love Nikki? Not yet, or maybe not ever? Because that looks pretty damn likely.

Nikki did a better job of explaining their situation, even though it sounded like wishful thinking. It’s a real relationship, and falling in love with someone in only a few months while they’re dating other people is unrealistic. I agree with Nikki, it’s just too bad that she wasn’t saying that stuff about a better dude.

What do we think Juan Pablo meant when he said their plans had changed? Based on information from the producers? He’s so cryptic. I think he wanted to go on Dancing With The Stars and can’t because America detests him, so they can no longer move to LA. But I could be wrong.

I think Chris Harrison is pissed because this messed up relationship has exposed the cracks (giant, giant crevices) in the show’s system. He wants to think that Juan Pablo loves Nikki and just won’t say it publicly. Is it because they genuinely believe that, or because they don’t want to admit that Juan Pablo doesn’t love Nikki. That he could go through the whole process, hand out the final rose, and not love the person who chose.

The Bachelorette!

andiChris Harrison couldn’t get away from this season of The Bachelor fast enough. So let’s move on to the girl who realized what an ass Juan Pablo is before most people – Andi! Gee, what a surprise.

I don’t know, I think she’s kind of boring. But I’m sure I’ll watch.

OK, I know you guys have thoughts on this! So put ‘em in the comments.

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About Jill

Pop culture junkie and TV aficionado. I write sharp and snarky TV recaps at www.couchtimewithjill.com
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2 Responses to The Bachelor – An Awkward Finale

  1. Mum says:

    Chris Harrison clearly can’t stand Juan Pablo or else he wouldn’t have made such an ass out of him on the after show. He and the producers of the show didn’t get what they wanted out of him and they are furious! Watching him try to pull an “I love you” from the guy was excruciating and he wouldn’t let it go. He literally chewed up 3 segments trying to force the guy to say something he is not ready to say. Love him or hate him the guy never caved! I give the relationship 2 months at most.

  2. KC says:

    I was wrong about Juan Pablo as well! He is gross and is just in love with himself. I give him and Nikki one month…and I wasn’t sure about Andi as the bachelorette, but now I think she’ll be good.

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